I visited my grandma with my mother about 9 months ago before I left for BKK on this course. She was in a nursing home with dementia. She could not really speak, nor recognise anyone she hasn't seen in 1-2 weeks. She kept staring at this stranger, me. She looked almost a stranger to me too. I haven't seen her in 3-4 years. She'd grown so thin and frail. She's in a wheelchair, hands and feet clamped really tight. Hair cropped really short. She could nod or shake her head meekly and utter a few words for basic necessities. Her small room is shared with 3 others. Her worldly possessions are nothing more than what was on the bedside shelf. So different from the matronly figure who lorded the then household of 6 children and 8 grandchildren.
I remember my childhood vacations when I spent a week at her big house with my cousins. It wasn't a really big place, but to a Singaporean who has only lived in HDB, a 2 storied townhouse seemed big. I remembered the plants growing in the sides, the brackish drains running outside, a small smelly duck farm at the back of the estate. Walking along the back, and making a left turn, cross 2 rows, and you'll reach a compound where there was a cinema for the town. Really old style (almost like the one in Cinema Paradiso), with a large empty space in front of the cinema for parking. During the Chinese New Year festival, we would let off firecrackers and mini-fireworks at this compound. Afterall, it was banned in Singapore, and this childish delight meant everything for having to travel 2 hrs from home. I remember my redpackets when 1 ringgit still equaled 1 singapore dollar!
My maternal grandfather ran a blacksmith shop at the front of house, and when I was really young, fascinated by the shiny edge of the various knives and sharp tools, I ran my hands along one and bled profusely. There you go, my first knife cut. He died when I was maybe 9 yrs old, I remember coming for his funeral, and asked to look at the head of the coffin if I can make out 4 digits for my uncles and aunts to buy lottery with.
My maternal grandmother ran the house very tightly, deciding on money matters, health and well-being of her brood, food on the table, the cooking, and everything else. She was stern and could always hear her yelling away at the kids. So, to see her at this state 9 months ago, gave me quite a jolt. I knew for some time, that she was weak at her legs and could not walk, she was incontinent and many times refused to eat. She was difficult, and being dependent in the empty house when everyone else was working or schooling, was dangerous. She was brought to a nursing home.
2 months ago, she had a fall, and her children visited her. She expressed a desire to go home. My uncle brought her back to his place, tended her, while my mother and others continued their regular visits. On Monday, she was drifting in and out of consciousness, and soon after left this world at about 10pm. My mom received a call, and related the news to me.
Funny thing is... I don't think I got her name at all. In traditional chinese family one is known by his title, so I've always known her as 外婆 - 'wai po'. She is survived by 6 children, about 14 grandchildren, and about 3-4 great-grandchildren.
What do I do with the white envelope of money she left me, well, it's just a token. I'll keep it for a few years until the note series is outdated, just like the other envelopes of my other grandparents.
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